x_amortentia (x_amortentia) wrote in the_owt,

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something old, in hopes of something new

so i haven't written anything in an ice age. i can blame part of it on no time, and being at school til (at the latest lately) 9ish at night, but there's also this other thing.. i have no idea what it is. a barrier, i suppose, between me and my writing-freely. yeah i can't explain it. but... things are changing. it's kind of scary.

so to fill in my need to post something, i thought i'd contribute to the OWT here with a little something i wrote a while back. it was one of the first papers i ever wrote for my english teacher, who is the most brilliant (& strange but hilarious) teacher i've ever had. completely awesome. today i had this talk with him about making deadlines (because i turned in some papers late :[ ehh) and he just talked calmly to me, just said that i'm really smart, and he doesn't know what's going on about me and deadlines, and truth be told, i don't really know either. i've just been all kinds of a disaster. so that talk made me feel guilty, if i haven't felt already, because i really want to impress this teacher in particular because he... gets it. everything.

after i turned in this paper, a few days later in class he pulled me outside and told me how amazing he thought it was. he was just like... "wow" literally... i was so shocked.. and on the paper he wrote "your writing gives me chills it's so good." it was the greatest compliment any teacher had ever given me, and its especially great because you guys know... writing's a passion. it was great. i myself thought it was a bit cheesy, but, oh well. he had given us a list of topics to write a paper on, and one of them was about 'the games teenagers play when they like each other' or something like that. there's probably punctuation problems that i haven't fixed, so my apologies. hopefully this will fill my non-posting/writing anything void.

Katie K. October 4, 2005
Let the Games Begin

The wind blows through the wispy hair of the seven-year-old girl. Around her kids play on the equipment, screaming, laughing, and fighting. Recess is her favorite part of the day. This is freedom. Avoiding teachers, and running around with girlfriends. A smile spreads across her face as she scans the playground, searching for her friends. She hopes they’re ready to play Red Rover like they did yesterday. As these thoughts ran through her mind, suddenly she feels two small but strong hands make contact with her back. Before she knows it she’s on the hard blacktop, her soft palms flecked with pebbles and spots of red. She looks at them a moment, then looks up to see what caused this. She just gets a glimpse of a malicious grin from the boy she sits next to in class before he runs away. Tears filled her big brown eyes, partly from her stinging hands, and partly from confusion on why this seemingly nice boy that had shared his crayons with her had just made her fall. Fast-forward to eight years later, and the same girl is sitting in her math class passing notes to the same girlfriends from the playground. This time they’re not discussing what to do at their next recess; they’re discussing the same evil-grinned boy from so long ago. Unknown to him, he’s the reason for the gleam in the girl’s eye. Teenage romance is much more complicated than any young person ever could’ve imagined beforehand. The contents of the girls’ notes include the basics of any teen’s plan to ‘get the guy.’ First, she knows that admitting her crush to her friends was signing her life away to the boy. Friends don’t forget about someone as easily as she’d like them to. She also knows that secondly she must be flirty, secretive, and get all her friends to find as much information she can about the boy. After all this, she knows it’s time to make a move, or let him make one. She knows what she wants and she knows what to do. The playground days are behind her. Teenage romance here she comes. Let the games begin.

The first feeling definitely comes unexpectedly. It’s something that every girl has felt at some point in time, no matter how far they went with it. She’ll notice how cute the boy sitting next to her is, but then one day, it’s different. She’s talked to him a few times, or maybe just a few hellos. One day, it won’t be just a smile and a wave; she’ll feel a pang in her heart, right when he walks in. She’ll wonder what’s wrong with her. Then, like running head first into a wall without even realizing it, she’ll know. She likes him. There’s no going back, she’s just admitted it to herself. Every time he talks to her now, her smile is a little shyer, and a little wider. The first innocent feeling is the best out of all the drama that comes to follow. In that small time of bliss, nothing seems wrong. She’ll know when it’s time to tell her friends. This is a risky move at times, depending on her friends. A girl and her friends have a connection unlike anything else. They would die for each other, and kill for each other if anyone hurt them. The average groups of girlfriends upon reaction to the new crush have two options. When the girl tells them, they would be shocked, but completely excited, and wanting to take action right away on getting the boy to notice her. The complete opposite would be that the friends disapprove, and the girl’s hopes would be dashed, unless she goes on without her friends, which would be a hard task. She would hope for the first option, and all would be giddy, and the planning would begin. There’s no turning back now, her friends are going to drag her in deeper than she would ever be brave enough to go herself. The giddy feeling of bliss is now accompanied with the thoughts in the back of her mind, the strategies, on how to win him over. Phase two begins.

This period is full of unexpected surprises, lots of snooping, and tons of giggles. Now that the girl’s friends are in on the secret, their jobs kick in. Somehow, best friends are equipped with the perfect tools to find out information about anyone you need in the matter of days. They are the best support systems any girl could ask for. They encourage more than they even know, and bring action to the crush faster than anything else. The girl and her friends first need to find as much background information on the boy in question as they can. It’s amazing how quickly that can happen by asking the right people. His friends are talking to her friends; while the whole time the two themselves are in their own little world of blushes and awkward pauses. While the friends have been hard at work on snooping, the girl herself has been testing the waters with the new guy, seeing if he’s worthy of her attention and worth the effort. Talking during classes, walking together in the hallways, joking around with subtle flirting, all these approaches she knows well, that have worked or not worked in the past. A girl like her knows what can happen or not happen in a crushing faze. Things can either go very smoothly, making her feel lighter than air, or the boy can show no interest in return, crushing the crush in an instant. To the kind of girl that throws herself into someone, this could be the phase that kills her or makes her, all depending on the boy’s actions. The girl is dug deeply in, she’s friends with the boy. There’s no reason for him to doubt at all that she doesn’t want something more. She knows what she needs to know, and she’s ready to move forward. Her heart is in his hands.

Teenage romance is about the most confusing and heartbreaking thing anyone can ever go through. Fluttering hearts, daydreaming, giggles, rumors, tears, embarrassment, misunderstandings, and sleepless nights are something that it lives on. It can take someone to the opposite extremes of emotions, and sometimes seems to drive a person mad. No matter what, it always will lead up to that one moment. The moment the girl has been hoping and working for from the start. Dating compared to crushing is a completely different universe. Taking that step, or at least wanting to, is something that any teen is terrified of. The last phase of the game is completely up to fate. The girl may wait forever for the boy to take action, losing faith every day and slowly dying inside. If waiting isn’t what she wants to do, she can take up the initiative and ask him herself, an amazing accomplishment for anyone. Then again there may be that perfect moment that she had been dreaming of, and the boy played his part perfectly. All girls live for their romantic fantasies. The question is whether or not prince charming will come around and take her away.

After the little girl gets bandages put on her small hands, she sniffles and looks through the window of the nurse’s office. Standing there is the same boy who had just pushed her down. Her forehead crinkled in confusion, as she doesn’t know what to think of him anymore. Her best friend told her that if a boy teases you, that means he likes you, but still doesn’t want your cooties. At least that’s what her older sister told her. She slowly opens the door for him, and he steps in the room. Making sure no one is around, he brings out a small daisy from behind his back, hands it to the girl, and whispers a quick apology before running away. The little girl barely knew what happened, but she smiled at her little flower and knew that things with that boy wouldn’t be the same again. The same smile is on the girl’s face many years in to the future, as she opens her locker to find a similar flower from so long ago tucked neatly on top of her books, and she doesn’t need to think twice about who it’s from. Romance is something no one completely understands, but it is something so powerful in people’s lives that it cannot help but be there. So much of people’s life experiences come from it that it is impossible not to have. Teens go through so much everyday that love would almost be a joke. Spying and flirting may seem like fun and games, but teenage romance can be more of an experience than any teen anticipated it to be. After all is said and done, any girl knows that everything has happened for a reason, good or bad. That is just the way love works. No unsaid words, no hidden secrets, and no regrets. Game over.
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